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I’ve encountered people who have done some pretty terrible things to one another since I began working in the family law world. A husband secretly racking up tens of thousands of dollars in debt to pay for prostitutes, a wife moving her boyfriend into the shared home while the husband was at work, and parents routinely using their children to hurt one another. If these things were happening to me, I’d want to hire the most aggressive divorce attorney I could find.
Aggressive attorneys can, if directed by you, use terrifying threats, outrageous accusations, and complicated financial manipulations to get “revenge” for the wrongs you have suffered. Your ex will be scared, angry and frustrated. When you are feeling this way yourself, this understandably sounds like manna from heaven.
But wait, let’s fast forward a few months. Your ex has also hired an aggressive attorney and now you are both angry, scared, and frustrated. You have lost complete control of the divorce process, you are each spending a fortune on attorneys fees, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This is not what you anticipated when you hired your aggressive attorney.
The problem with seeking vindication through the divorce process is that it takes an incredible amount of time and money. Months, even years, of financial and emotional chaos are an inevitable part of a contentious divorce for both parties involved. This is especially problematic if you have children. It’s nearly impossible to go through a long, hatred-fueled, litigated divorce and be emotionally available for your children.
In the end, it’s best to get through the divorce process as quickly and economically as possible so you can move on with your life.
A settlement focused attorney, or a mediator, is best suited to help you through your divorce in a way that will work for you and your family. In the end, even when one party has behaved egregiously, it’s pretty difficult to get revenge through the divorce process. No fault divorce, by definition, means that neither party will be assigned blame. An aggressive attorney will probably be successful at making the process miserable and expensive for your ex, and you, but will be unlikely to get you a more favorable settlement in the end.
Before you hire an aggressive attorney, consider that divorce is happening to you and, unfortunately, to your children. Synonyms for aggressive include violent, hostile, destructive, and antagonistic. Is this the type of person you really want to hire to help you solve what is essentially a family problem?
Knowledgeable? For sure. Firm? Yes. Problem solving? Absolutely. Aggressive? NO WAY.
Erin Kassebaum provides mediation, coaching and parenting consulting services on a sliding fee scale. She is located in Bloomington. Please feel free to contact Erin with any comments or questions at 612.599.8366, or firstname.lastname@example.org. “Like” her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/erinkassebaumrds.